There is no crueler presage of the twilight of thy youth than the expiration dates of condiments in thy fridge.
He then smelt of them and said: Too much perfume is an accident; too much cologne is a lifestyle.
Lo, in his hour of need Thin Lizzy did ask: How does one know the boys are back in town?
And God replied: When you don’t feel sad opening a Party Size bag of Tostitos even though there’s no party.
And then he said unto them, Who among us has not overloaded a quesadilla in our lifetime?
And Collector said unto Creator, follow thy garbage past the curb and ye shall be amazed.
Forgive them, for they know not what is news.
The traditional marriage
of crotch and universe
is best understood by dogs.
Unless thy womb is full withal, thou shalt never say “We are pregnant.”
Thou shalt Divide thy Bathrooms:
one for people who like tampons on the floor,
and the other for people who like pee on the seats.
Thou shalt not block the entire road when making a left turn in thy Lexus.